When We Struggle

God will never give us more to handle that He will lead us out of.  I am convinced of that.  However, it sure is hard to remember that at times…especially when it seems like there is no end to the problems.

It is no secret that we have been struggling since I lost my job and the savings ran out.  It is something we have unfortunately become accustomed to, but at times it seems relentless…like everytime I turn around.  Today has been one of those days.  The devil has been poking at me so hard and I fell victim to it and started worrying too much and the more I worried, the worse it got.

I fall prey to it so easily because I do blame myself for all the financial issues we are having and it puts me into a depression and the worry sets in.  Of course, it all seems worse because of the blame and depression.  My mind at time’s is the devil’s playground.

Whenever we have to buy a lot of gas, it is always more than the estimated budgeted expense.  We had to drive to Crocket from College Station and back twice this weekend AND to Houston and back.  We put over 850 miles on Matilda and the cost wasn’t too expensive…I just thank God the prices are down right now.

We are currently on a payment plan to get our rent caugtht-up.  We have had to pay over $1500 in late fees, but with the payment next Friday, it will all be caught-up and we are excited about that.

Currently, the gas is turned off, but we are cooking with crockpots and a big griddle because the electricity is paid and not at risk of being turned off.  We are staying warm by making fires in the fireplace.

So, I get up this morning and no internet.  Is is late, but the bill is extremely messed-up from when we moved.  It just indicates to me that we’ll lose cable and phone soon too because it is a bundle.

This is how my day started and I just waited for the next shoe to drop….

The property manager calls and says we were $100 short for our payment plan and they need it and we need to come in and sign more papers for the payment plan.  This would mean that they didn’t get the message that we were short for the payment and would take care of it this week.  That’s just great.

The lady that keeps Jacob (his godmother) is on vacation this week, so we are spending the week together.  Luckily, he’s a happy baby and loves his daddy!

We are running errands and he gets a little hungry.  I think I’ll just run through the McDonald’s drive thru and grab a snack.  I got him some fries and a Diet DP for myself.  We get the food and I pull over to get it together for him.  The fries are warm, very brown and limp with some hard crunchy tails on them.  Not “Lovin’ it”.  He starts eating them anyway, so I take blessings where I can get them.  We drive off and I remember my drink.  Oh great….Diet Coke!  Errrrr

I think at this point, everyone can see where my day is going and how I’m not going to mentally recover.  I’m a lost cause.

Jacob and I finish our errands and are going to Liss’ work so she can show off her little one.  He falls into a deep sleep about 3 minutes away.  I call and tell her and we decide to just reschedule for tomorrow…we do have a week.

Total loss, right?  Wrong.  Let me tell you the “other” side of this story…..

Today I got to spend the entire day with just my little boy.  We don’t have many “Daddy and Smoochie” days.  He was great and as we had lunch (McDonald’s again), he waved and spoke to people.  He made me so proud to see his love of life spread to others when just through a simple smile and wave.

We got to drive around running our errands and getting some things off our plates to make it a little easier.  It tired him out, because he didn’t take a nap because we were having such a great day.

Liss came home and we cooked dinner together with her working the deep fryer while I cooked all the sides, etc with pots of water on the griddle.  Riehle and Zachry played with Jacob in the living room while waiting for us to finish.

We ate in the living room around a nice warm fire and put Star Wars: A New Hope into the DVD player.  We watched the movie closely because Zachry was “discovering” things that were not in the video games.  We had a great family night.

Guess what?  The gas was still turned-off, so was the cable, internet and phone.  God blessed us by giving us shelter, food and family.  The simple daily blessings are the ones we take for granted and don’t see as a blessing.  I am currently powering the internet connection I need to blog through a hot spot from my cellphone…which my sister paid for me this month.  I am thankful for what I have and the people in my life that I love and love me.  God is good.

God Bless

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